Momenomics 101
I don’t know if S---- is my most brilliant friend, but with a Harvard MBA she’s no slouch. So when she complained to me that she found it difficult to value her work as a mom, I asked her to be specific. She said her efforts were not ‘quantifiable.’ Definitely a HMBA thing to say.
So I thought about that, about how to quantify the work we do as mothers. The place to start would be where any currency begins – as a way to describe a unit of work. Then we’d need a name for that unit. Let’s keep it simple and call it a “MOM.” Now how much would a “MOM” be worth?
The first and most valuable service a mother provides is, of course, giving birth. So let’s assign a value of 10,000 MOMs each time you give birth. If your husband is there for the birth he’s going to think you’re a goddess – at least for a while, so add an extra 2,000 MOMs. But remember that any MOMs dependent on a husband’s appreciation tend to depreciate quickly, so don’t bother trying to save them. (Many mothers manage to parlay them into a nice piece of jewelry. Being able to trade MOMs for actual currency is the work of a master.)
While your child is an infant you get 20 MOMs for every hour the baby doesn’t sleep. For my daughter, who woke up every 45 minutes for two years, I would calculate several hundred thousand, but loss of sleep has permanently damaged my ability to add.
Now, as the children grow and the difficulties of motherhood accumulate, you continue to accrue MOMs, but they can take different forms. Don’t be befuddled – just think of them like the money of a foreign country.
There are several kinds of motherhood currency.
For example, there is the ‘Aunt Bee,’ named after the Mayberry character in whose powdered bosom a generation took comfort. Aunt Bee’s are given as payment for ‘boo boo’ moments – kissing minor wounds, buying bandaids with cute characters on them, and the general comforting ‘tut-tuts’ every day calls for.
The opposite of an ‘Aunt Bee’ is a ‘Joan Crawford.’ Deduct 10 ‘Crawfords’ for losing your temper. Under any circumstance. Clotheshangers don’t need to be present – the Crawford is a unit of guilt you feel whether circumstances warrant it or not. Moms accrue lots of these. – Oh, and don’t forget the “Roseanne,” named for the Queen of Crass. You get 10 Roseannes for cursing in front of your children, or for any uncouth behavior – oh joy, oh pride! -- they later display in public.
Got the idea?
We’ll continue later.
So I thought about that, about how to quantify the work we do as mothers. The place to start would be where any currency begins – as a way to describe a unit of work. Then we’d need a name for that unit. Let’s keep it simple and call it a “MOM.” Now how much would a “MOM” be worth?
The first and most valuable service a mother provides is, of course, giving birth. So let’s assign a value of 10,000 MOMs each time you give birth. If your husband is there for the birth he’s going to think you’re a goddess – at least for a while, so add an extra 2,000 MOMs. But remember that any MOMs dependent on a husband’s appreciation tend to depreciate quickly, so don’t bother trying to save them. (Many mothers manage to parlay them into a nice piece of jewelry. Being able to trade MOMs for actual currency is the work of a master.)
While your child is an infant you get 20 MOMs for every hour the baby doesn’t sleep. For my daughter, who woke up every 45 minutes for two years, I would calculate several hundred thousand, but loss of sleep has permanently damaged my ability to add.
Now, as the children grow and the difficulties of motherhood accumulate, you continue to accrue MOMs, but they can take different forms. Don’t be befuddled – just think of them like the money of a foreign country.
There are several kinds of motherhood currency.
For example, there is the ‘Aunt Bee,’ named after the Mayberry character in whose powdered bosom a generation took comfort. Aunt Bee’s are given as payment for ‘boo boo’ moments – kissing minor wounds, buying bandaids with cute characters on them, and the general comforting ‘tut-tuts’ every day calls for.
The opposite of an ‘Aunt Bee’ is a ‘Joan Crawford.’ Deduct 10 ‘Crawfords’ for losing your temper. Under any circumstance. Clotheshangers don’t need to be present – the Crawford is a unit of guilt you feel whether circumstances warrant it or not. Moms accrue lots of these. – Oh, and don’t forget the “Roseanne,” named for the Queen of Crass. You get 10 Roseannes for cursing in front of your children, or for any uncouth behavior – oh joy, oh pride! -- they later display in public.
Got the idea?
We’ll continue later.
posted by Whoopla at
6:33 AM
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